(I want to write a longer thing extolling the virtues - and drawbacks - of date me docs. The asymmetry is one drawback; another is that it’s an artificial escalation of intimacy that can make it harder to build the relationship organically)
<selflathing> few thoughts about date me docs, having had some experience:
- i love the idea because 1) it allows creativity with the form 2) it lets ppl gauge their interest while staying anon
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establishing mutual interest by exchanging docs is a delight compared to awkward rapport building
- not always true that a paper match will translate to good vibes
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if someone reaches out but doesn’t have a doc of their own, i’m very aware of the asymmetry and feel off-balance. do i interview them until we’re even???
- i posted a link on my hinge profile and two people have hit like and then emailed me directly instead of waiting for the match! bypassing the mutual-match filter felt invasive (easy fix, just remove email + say contact me via however you found this)
overall i really like it. feels like the old days of OKCupid when people would write novellas about themselves - i’ve missed that information density for a long time, glad it’s back. getting good profile photos is still a bear though goddamn
i suspect given my plans to move next year, it’s unlikely anything will come of it. i ought to get in with the london tpot crowd but afaict the london scene is less vocal in general and i think might also skew younger
chat w/ spockinabeanie about whether i should add my working with me doc to my dateme profile:
but this sorta links up with one of my icks about dateme docs, which is that they deny the opportunity to build intimacy by discovering things about each other. dropping a “how to get the best out of me” manual on someone mechanizes the interactions. not to mention is a big ask to read it
working with me docs help in work relationships because largely you don’t choose who you work with. part of being a professional is doing some work to smooth over the relationship, make it unremarkable and pleasant. but imo for romantic relationships, natural compatibility matters. i don’t want my partner to know my foibles and be skilled at working around them, i want my partner to know my foibles, think they’re cute, and laugh at me