The 5R organization is (undertandably) protective of their brand, so first:
Disclaimer: I am not (yet 😉) a certified 5Rhythms™ teacher. I do not represent myself as one, nor did I represent this as a 5R class.
Hosting “hussein dance”
For my 39th birthday I hosted the very first ever “hussein dance” for a few friends I’ve made through 5Rhythms. I played two sets: one performed live, one pre-recorded so I could dance too. This was my first time performing, and the two sets were my 4th and 5th sets I’ve ever made. One guidepost I’ve had through my learning-to-DJ journey has been to say “that’s good enough” and publish, ship it, keep going, keep learning - rather than obsessing and gold plating. So even though I haven’t been doing it for very long, I wanted to get the experience of being live in front of a group of dancers, and feel what that’s like. Hosting a free event for my birthday was a good excuse to ask my friends to take a risk with a precious New York Saturday night!
I will skip a long description of the setup and logistics, except to say: I could not have done this without the help of many people. I borrowed some beefy speakers from Nico, a professional microphone & some lights from Justin, and David was the hero with the car who got everything to & from the venue, and also did a lot of listening to my neurotic fretting in the days prior. There were also a swarm of people who helped set up: Anna, Ashley, Margaux, and probably others I’m missing.
Music prep
My intention was for the first set to be a proper 5Rhythms wave. It took an agonizing five weeks to put together, and I reworked the entire thing many times. I found an old track list I’d written down early on, and of the 23 songs, only one made it through to the final set I played live – the floaty intro piece.
The second set was the “it’s my birthday and I want to dance to this music” set, so I didn’t pin myself so tightly to the 5R structure. Most of it came together in two days.
Unsurprisingly the lesson here is the harder I grip, the more it slips out of my hand.
The event itself
I invited about 30 people for a space that had a capacity of 20; then I was a pain in the ass about asking for RSVPs. The final count was 14, including 3 teachers(!). I brought my baby album and a few trinkets including my Zen rakusu to build an art installation / altar, as is traditional at 5R dances.
Despite having something like 35sqft per dancer, the room felt small and crowded, in part because of its slightly awkward T shape. This also made it difficult for people to move and flow around each other - crossing the space took a lot of weaving and negotiation. As a result people generally stayed in their spots and their movements didn’t get too big.
It was also super hot. There was one window AC and one floor fan and I found myself sweating behind my DJ table, let alone dancing.
The first set
So it wasn’t ideal that the first set was really intense. The ramp from Flowing to Staccato to Chaos was consistent, and didn’t really back off to give breaks. Because it was my first live performance I didn’t bake in alternative paths for my set, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to adjust and would just have to accept whatever happened.
Before the party I had mentioned my nerves to one of the dancers and she pointed out that the success of any dance is 50% down to the music and 50% the dancers. The most interesting and gratifying part of the experience for me was getting to see how the experienced folk titrated their energy, alternating between going for it and taking it easier, even if the music wasn’t necessarily affording that.
The two Chaos tracks were this twisting, anxiety-inducing Justice x Carpenter Brut mashup and the Juno Reactor track Navras, from the Matrix Revolutions soundtrack. They’re difficult and energetic - one dancer described Navras as “battle music” - and by now the space was getting really hot. At this point I was fairly convinced that most of the dancers were tolerating it and a few were having an actively bad time.
Navras also has a 90 second lull before it leads back into the climax, and I knew I’d have to get on the mic and provide some prompts, otherwise people would drop out. So I suggested some grounding, and then riffed on this tweet, which has been part of my dance practice since reading it a month or so ago:
the surrender move is not “let go” it’s “let it take over for a second”
— anita (@neats29) September 17, 2025
I said something like:
We talk about surrender as if it’s a kind of letting go. But surrender is more than letting go; surrender is the act of letting something else take over. The force that shapes us, changes us, in every moment: now, and now, and now, transforming us. Can you drop your story of me and allow yourself to become?
And once Navras finished in its enormous glorious intensity, we launched into a spacey, cosmic Lyrical, a floating emptiness. This is when I noticed one of the dancers sitting in the corner, facing the wall, looking hella glum. I really had to resist going over and putting my hand on her shoulder; I knew I had no idea what she was going through, and that I need to trust her to go through her process. She ended back up on her feet a little later :)
The second set
I have much less to say about the second set because I was busy dancing it and having a good time :) I did have a moment of “oh wow, I love all these songs”, followed by “well obviously, you picked them” 😂
I had a couple of love songs at the end - Cosmo Sheldrake’s By Being With You and the Norah Jones version of The Nearness Of You, and I spent them visiting each person and saying a heartfelt thank you for coming. It was really sweet.
And then it was over, and we gathered in a circle and I said more thank yous, and we took a group photo with my baby photos, and we all went home.
So, how did it go?
The logistics were a pain in the ass and I see a million ways that I could improve. I should get a bigger space; I should figure out how to get my voice to cut through the music; I should work on my embodiment prompts; I should pace the music much better - hell I should actually dance the sets myself so I can see what they’re like; I should, I should, I should…
…and…
…it was perfect. I successfully held the container. At least one person had an emotional shift. What really stuck out to me about the whole thing is even through the fiddly bits, and the self-consciousness, and the worrying about people’s experience, it felt remarkably natural. The channel is wonky due to my inexperience, but what’s coming through is clear: I can do this, and I want to.
And even with a small group… the shape was there! It looked like a 5R class – some people were in it, some people were messing around with each other, some people were on the edge really dropped out of it. Recognizing that was gratifying – I’ve had some dances that have been transformative, I’ve had others where I’ve hated it the whole time and left wishing I hadn’t gone, I’ve been too hot, too in my head, too whatever. And I got to see all of that happen for other people, from the other side of the big table; and I experienced the facilitator’s practice of doing your best and then accepting that whether it lands for anyone is largely out of your hands.
I haven’t spoken to everyone since, but the conversations I’ve had covered a wide range of reactions - some profuse “that was amazing” “you held an incredible space” “I loved all the tracks” to “you did the thing and you put yourself out there, that’s really cool, happy birthday” - the latter pointedly NOT mentioning any qualities of the set 😅. But that’s to be expected, and I’m not upset about it. I was worried at the time that people were having a hard time, or tolerating it out of a felt obligation to support me on my birthday, but the truth is it’s hard to judge. Some of them had come from a heavy lunch and were dancing on full stomachs; many of them had come from a dance earlier in the day, or might’ve been otherwise tired for any number of reasons.
I had 3 secret goals for the event:
- someone screams
- someone cries
- a particular someone ends up on all fours on the floor (which she does often when it gets a certain kind of intense)
i got #2 but not really the others. and that’s fine :)
All the emotions arrive
I ended up talking with the person who ended up sitting in the corner - unprompted, she shared some of her experience with me. I’m not going to tell her story for her, but as far as I can tell from her description, the process worked: she felt an emotional shift. Which on one hand: she did it all herself, all I did was pick some tunes. And on the other hand: I had some part in facilitating a place where that could happen? That’s wild 🤯
I’ve felt intuitively aligned with this practice since I first started, and it’s really nice to feel that continue from the facilitation side too. I went to bed that night happy and feeling good. Like my move to NYC, this was another event where my life narrowed to a point around it, and the focus and preparation paid off.
Understanding the creative expression
I realized afterwards that the reason my first set took so long to come together was that it was autobiographical. My subconscious was working overtime to try and express itself.
It starts with an Arabic flavour; a bold feminine emerges; intensity builds, turning into unbearable twisting pressure. It escalates into a long, exhausting fight, using power and will. But there is no victory to be had, only dropping the fight; emerging into emptiness. Clarity, an understanding of what had been happening the whole time; a union with the sacred.
KNOWER’s Crash The Car, the song in the middle of Lyrical, describes both the arc of the set and my personal arc of stepping into this version of myself:
Running the reds of should and should not do
The sirens fade away; now nothing can change this view
The ride shakes violently, hold tight to beliefs
What’s never been before is where we want to be
Hearts and seats fullStraight for the non-exist
Meant to be doing this
Crash the car through the stars
Burning in yellow glow
Floor it and don’t let go
Crash the car through the stars
A friend said it was like watching me come out, and referenced this video:
This resonates a lot. It was also very vulnerable to realize that when I thought I was just picking tunes, I was actually spilling the contents of my soul for everyone to see 🥲
It didn’t fix me
I spent the next couple of days feeling first achingly lonely, and then both lonely and emotionally overwhelmed.
I still haven’t fully figured it out, but I think part of it is that the experience followed by the aftermath broke a load-bearing belief.
I hosted my first ever dance. I did it well: it was by any definition a success. And yet I woke up the next day, still single, still feeling disconnected, still not sure what I’m doing with my life.
The story of “it’ll all be fine if I’m capable enough” was disproven: I did the thing, I achieved, and it didn’t turn me into a person worthy of magically having all my problems solved forever. And I think my psyche took a while reeling from that shock.
What am I doing with my time, my life? What are the things I need and want? How am I going to take responsibility for all that?
I thought those questions would get magically sorted out for me if I was good, talented, smart, skilled, capable, warm, loving enough. But answering the questions directly is my responsibility, and the answers will be mundane, not magical: not a reward for achievement but choosing, building with intention.
What now?
A couple of people have asked if I’ll do another one. I almost certainly will, though I don’t know when. I’m not going to rush it: I’ll take the time I need to decompress. And I need to continue allowing this process to be a joyful one (I can easily project manage myself into misery); as my first 5R teacher Joel Stanley says, “keep finding and enlarging the fun”.
I’d like to get on the 5Rhythms teacher training for the 2027 cohort. If I keep up my current trajectory of classes I should just about meet the prerequisite 300 hours of classes in time to apply; but I’ll have to put significant effort (and time, and travel, and money) into attending the numerous workshops also required. I could also just take it easy and bump to the 2028 cohort, but I think my strategy is to get good enough and start running informal classes regularly enough that I can say to the 5Rhythms Teaching Association “look, I’m already doing this; wouldn’t it be better for all of us if I was trained?” and get in earlier.
Thanks for reading. Maybe I’ll see you at hussein dance 2 😄
OK but can I listen to the sets please???
Yes.
First set:
Second set: