People sometimes get worked up about ghosting. I think in some cases, more equanimity is helpful.
allowing a graceful exit
Some people are awkward; “I’m not interested” can be a difficult thing to communicate if you’re a people pleaser who spends a lot of time up in their head. Not stressing too much about someone ghosting is a way to let them exit gracefully. That can be a kindness.
when is ghosting okay?
IMO it depends on how established the relationship is:
✅ If you’ve only chatted and never met, it can lapse for any number of reasons. C’est la vie! (Try again if you like, but only once.)
✅ After a first date, letting someone ghost allows a “graceful exit” (definition below);
❌ More than that, I think you ought to be explicit about your (dis)interest.
Ultimately, failure to follow up is itself an indication of non-interest. It doesn’t matter whether they’re busy, or forgetful, or inconsiderate, or stuck in a shame-spiral about not getting back to you fast enough, or indeed simply not that into you - all of those are dealbreakers.
I do also wonder how much people saying “they ghosted me” is a sign of their own passivity. Did they send a message themselves, or did they expect to be contacted and are just in a silent “no you go first” stalemate? I truly do not know.
my preferred protocol
If I’m not interested, I try to be clear about it: “it was good to meet you, I didn’t feel a spark, good luck out there”.
If I’m interested in someone, I will usually reach out to say I had fun and express interest: “it was good to meet you, I’d love to do it again sometime”.
If no reply a couple of days later: “feel free to not reply if you’re not interested, but if you are: how about [suggestion]”.
And then that’s it. They get one follow-up, and if still no reply, I make up whatever story I need to get over it and move on.
the downside
The graceful exit relies on the cover of scheduling being hard. This means that it’s indistinguishable from a situation where scheduling is actually hard. That might be something you could help with, if you knew - but you don’t, beause you’re using it as an excuse for the graceful exit.
So the downside is that allowing the graceful exit loses you the people who might’ve benefited from a little extra scheduling help (if you’d been willing to give it). You could potentially change the follow-up message to include an offer to reach out in a week or two once things have calmed down, but losing out on a couple of opportunities like this is probably the cost of allowing a graceful exit.